Sta.sh
(a) when I was young I was a robin that stole the eggs from another's nest.
fitted upon my stare there was a warning –
personal's too personal for me, well i
would not use wings if i had 'em.
a child of rye with a silhouette spoiled by the sun, I was, I am.
and sometimes I see some vengeful sparrows still under my fingernails;
their glistening beaks snap melodies that rib a hundred bird-bone cages,
so light you could blow 'em away with a twist of your lungs.
and there are still words jailed between my teeth and my tongue and I do not speak of,
do not think of
them,
but they rattle between bone and flesh and I
drown them sometimes when I sing.
(b) oh, you:
"love is a hobby like anything else, and I no longer have the time."
she asks me what I'm writing:
I am constructing a corpse can't you hear
me as I speak the meaning out of my name and
you bleed like I smile:
slowly, and without malice.
| Deviant Login | Shop | Join deviantART for FREE  |
Take the Tour  |
Like the many other commenters before me, I loved that stanza,
and there are still words jailed between my teeth and my tongue and I do not speak of,
do not think of
them,
but they rattle between bone and flesh and I
drown them sometimes when I sing.
The way you can read that, quietly, alone in your room, sounds fantastic. The words roll off your tongue deliciously and you can hear every single nuance. It's beautiful.
I remember myself thinking about the first few lines of the poem, and of robins and their eggs and thinking that perhaps you meant cuckoo birds, which, if I remember correctly, will replace the eggs in another bird's nest with their own.
For that matter, I am still unsure about its importance in the story itself, pertaining to the species.
But still - there are many times in which I, a reader, cannot even begin to understand the complexity of poetry or prose, but appreciate it all the same.
The wording is wonderful and perfect - "jailed" is a perfect way to use that word in a stanza; the "j" sound, I'm beginning to realize, isn't all that prominent in poetry - and some of the phrases are ones that could invoke another poem altogether, using those lines, had it not been plagiarism.
"love is a hobby like anything else, and I no longer have the time."
or,
"you bleed like I smile:
slowly, and without malice"
Thank you for such a beautiful piece of poetry, such a poem that left me silent and pondering after the words had faded away but resounded in my head.
Thank you.
The title actually does seem a little bit detached, but only slightly. It works just fine as it is, though there is room for improvement.
The last lines sent me a chill, they did. Excellent and well-deserved DD, lovely creature!